


Food War

by raidspriestsandbabygoats



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 22:24:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2245530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raidspriestsandbabygoats/pseuds/raidspriestsandbabygoats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after series 2. Ragnar's food-throwing habits accidentally get a little out of hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Food War

It all started with a piece of bread. One tiny, insignificant piece of bread. Such a small thing to be able to cause so much carnage, but then anything in the hands of Ragnar Lothbrok, no matter how seemingly small or insignificant, had the potential to become a devastating weapon...

Athelstan had been sitting at the table, eating and swapping stories with Torstein, Floki and Helga - all of them trying to outdo the others with the sheer impressiveness of their stories - when the piece of bread had struck his ear and fallen into his lap. He paused in his story and blinked down at it before gazing around the hall to try and discover the culprit. It didn't take him long.

Ragnar sat in his large decorated chair further along the table and appeared to be listening intently to whatever Aslaug was telling him. However, his gaze slid over to meet Athelstan's and an almost invisible smirk appeared on his face. He picked up the little goat that sat on his lap and gave Athelstan a tiny shrug. The former monk sighed and brushed a few crumbs away from his ear.

"I do not understand you, Athelstan." Torstein chuckled and shook his head. "You know Ragnar only throws food at you because you never retaliate..?"

Athelstan frowned and blinked owlishly at him. The thought of revenge had never once occurred to him; whether it was a last remnant of his life at Lindisfarne or whether it was simply not in his nature to desire revenge, the thought had never crossed his mind. "So...if I throw it back, he'd leave me alone?" It did make an odd sort of sense, and it was beginning to look like a very tempting prospect...

Helga giggled and leaned over, pressing the bone of a chicken's leg into his hand. Athelstan stared at it and suddenly, before he could even make up his mind enough to be able to change it, he had thrown the bone across the table at Ragnar. Whether by good fortune, good timing or sheer coincidence, Ragnar chose that specific moment to lean down and place the goat back onto the floor, resulting in the bone sailing over his head and hitting Rollo squarely on the nose. Athelstan's eyes immediately widened to twice their normal size and he ducked his head, trying to appear as small as possible, praying to any god listening that Rollo wouldn't see him.

Obviously, the gods must all have been asleep or feasting.

"Good throw, priest!" Floki cackled and gave Athelstan a firm pat on the back, causing him to spit out the mead he'd just sipped. Athelstan hurriedly tried to shush Floki and shot Helga a pleading look. Helga tugged on Floki's arm, but it was a weak effort and she was laughing helplessly with Torstein. Athelstan glanced over at Rollo and gulped as he saw two pieces of vegetable sailing towards him.

He ducked and only caught one against his temple while the other flew past his head and hit a great giant of a man named Hosvir. Hosvir froze with a leg of mutton halfway to his mouth and sighed a deep sigh before picking up his plate and flicking it, sending the food flying aimlessly across the hall. There was a moment of silence and stillness as everyone registered what had just happened, and the thralls used this time to quickly gather up what they could and carry it off to the kitchens. Then the moment passed, and a battle ensued.

Food flew everywhere as it was hurled indiscriminately. Friends and loves became immediate enemies and none could be trusted - a point spectacularly proved by Helga pouring her cup of mead over Floki's head. A few of the women and the less able men quickly began gathering the children to them and hurrying them out of the hall, Siggy escaping with Angrboda and Ivar in her arms and Aslaug with Sigurd and dragging Hvitserk and a very grumpy Ubbe behind her, with the latter insisting (loudly) that he should stay behind and join in the exciting battle. 

Athelstan managed to successfully strike three more people before Torstein and Bjorn decided to become allies for a brief moment and pelted him with vegetables. Athelstan attempted a brief defence before deciding to make a strategic withdrawal and hid himself under the table. He hugged his knees as he listened to the carnage reigning around him and he jumped as he heard his voice whispering his name. Looking round quickly, he sighed with relief. "Ragnar! Don't do that..."

Ragnar smirked and crawled over to him. "Honestly Athelstan, what am I going to do with you..? How many wars is this now that have started because of you?"

"I didn't start this, Ragnar," Athelstan hissed indignantly. "It was your fault for throwing bread at me!"

"It wasn't me! It was the goat." Ragnar nodded sincerely, choosing to ignore the expression of unconvinced disbelief on his friend's face. "And I...he didn't think you were going to throw something back."

"I'm full of surprises." Athelstan rolled his eyes and peeked out from under the table, immediately squeaking as he was splashed with someone's bowl of stew. Ragnar chuckled and tugged him back under the table, carefully wiping away the mess with his sleeve.

"Full of surprises... But your battle strategies definitely need work."

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in about five minutes and I'm really only posting it because this fandom needs a happy Athelstan story right now...


End file.
